People keep saying , life gets tougher as you grow older . Every new chapter comes with a new problem . New faces , new buddies , new enemies , new experiences , new everything. It is up to you whether to create a new happy ending or stick with the same old boring ones , for worst or for the best .
As for me , there are never new everything . It is always the same . Like it had been written to be my life cycle from the day I was born till . . . . forever . I will always be the underdog . The invisible . Unwanted and always have to let others win . Care too much but no one cares . When I needed someone , no one theres .
I dealt with the same problem everyday . As if it has become a routine. I thought too much about the others . Trying my best not to hurt those whom I love dearly . Gave everything they want just to satisfy them . Thought with all love and satisfaction I gave , they could spare some love and some time when I need them . But boy , was I wrong .
I am everyone friends/family when they have problems that they cant face alone , when difficulties struck them , when they are in troubles . I was there . Every single time . Giving all the shoulders they need . Spend all the time they need . To be honest , I dont really care as long they're okay . They are my people therefore , I would give them the world if that what makes them happy .
But when the good times arrive , no one seems to notice me . Oh how sad . I dont really show the emotions of how hurt I am but still the feelings are there . I have to put that strong and "I am okay" face . Held high my head showing that its alright as long they are okay , Im all good .
However , when i truly need someone , only few will care . Hurt . Hurting . Pathetic were the only thing I could think of everytime I reminiscing my past . Oh how I feel like crap . The one that was always there accompanying me , are the tears . They are the best and they are the worst . They can make me feel all good after or feel like shit . Most of the time , i felt like shit .
People dont care of what I think , what I want , what I desire . "What Aina wants , Aina will have to get it by herself "
Thats why , I dont really do sharing my problems with others . I know they will show a care face but the matter I am afraid of ,are they really care or just showing a symphaty face and in the future will they use my problems against me or will they stay by my side. I dont want to know the answer so I am taking the safe road of keeping of how I felt a secret . To me , myself .
Outburst was never in my option . I dont have the guts to pull something like that . Burying the problems all into myself is what am excellent at . Someday I will explode. Like a volcano . Like a time bomb . But trust me, the only person who'll be blame , is myself . Blaming others publicly is just not me . I'll blame them in my mind . No big deal .
So far , my life aint a fairytale . Im not a princess and my prince charming is nowhere to be found . This is not a once upon a time , and happily ever after tale . This is reality . This is what I live in . This is the big world .
However , not all in my life who suck big time . I am thankful for best buds that were always there when I need em' . Meni , Nina , Hafizul , my cats and few others are I am grateful for and thanking god for sending them into my life . Family , even though , they are pain on the ass most of the time but they are my family who I will forever love .
I dont expect my storyline of life will change anytime soon . But I will patiently wait for that moment to come . As for now , I'll keep fighting and go on with my life . Cause these are just minor problem that I am positively sure I'll get the way out . Minor not major . Therefore , pouring my heart into a piece of some sort of essay in the blog will do .
This is just another insecurities moment of mine .
As for me , there are never new everything . It is always the same . Like it had been written to be my life cycle from the day I was born till . . . . forever . I will always be the underdog . The invisible . Unwanted and always have to let others win . Care too much but no one cares . When I needed someone , no one theres .
I dealt with the same problem everyday . As if it has become a routine. I thought too much about the others . Trying my best not to hurt those whom I love dearly . Gave everything they want just to satisfy them . Thought with all love and satisfaction I gave , they could spare some love and some time when I need them . But boy , was I wrong .
I am everyone friends/family when they have problems that they cant face alone , when difficulties struck them , when they are in troubles . I was there . Every single time . Giving all the shoulders they need . Spend all the time they need . To be honest , I dont really care as long they're okay . They are my people therefore , I would give them the world if that what makes them happy .
But when the good times arrive , no one seems to notice me . Oh how sad . I dont really show the emotions of how hurt I am but still the feelings are there . I have to put that strong and "I am okay" face . Held high my head showing that its alright as long they are okay , Im all good .
However , when i truly need someone , only few will care . Hurt . Hurting . Pathetic were the only thing I could think of everytime I reminiscing my past . Oh how I feel like crap . The one that was always there accompanying me , are the tears . They are the best and they are the worst . They can make me feel all good after or feel like shit . Most of the time , i felt like shit .
People dont care of what I think , what I want , what I desire . "What Aina wants , Aina will have to get it by herself "
Thats why , I dont really do sharing my problems with others . I know they will show a care face but the matter I am afraid of ,are they really care or just showing a symphaty face and in the future will they use my problems against me or will they stay by my side. I dont want to know the answer so I am taking the safe road of keeping of how I felt a secret . To me , myself .
Outburst was never in my option . I dont have the guts to pull something like that . Burying the problems all into myself is what am excellent at . Someday I will explode. Like a volcano . Like a time bomb . But trust me, the only person who'll be blame , is myself . Blaming others publicly is just not me . I'll blame them in my mind . No big deal .
So far , my life aint a fairytale . Im not a princess and my prince charming is nowhere to be found . This is not a once upon a time , and happily ever after tale . This is reality . This is what I live in . This is the big world .
However , not all in my life who suck big time . I am thankful for best buds that were always there when I need em' . Meni , Nina , Hafizul , my cats and few others are I am grateful for and thanking god for sending them into my life . Family , even though , they are pain on the ass most of the time but they are my family who I will forever love .
I dont expect my storyline of life will change anytime soon . But I will patiently wait for that moment to come . As for now , I'll keep fighting and go on with my life . Cause these are just minor problem that I am positively sure I'll get the way out . Minor not major . Therefore , pouring my heart into a piece of some sort of essay in the blog will do .
This is just another insecurities moment of mine .
posted from Bloggeroid
No comments:
Post a Comment